It’s strange to be in between. After running a 100 miler, there is some significant recovery that the body has to go through, and most runners probably don’t have a lot of patience for.

There is also a bit of a depression that sets in with recovery. A low that follows the high of a race. To keep the same mileage, the same pace as before the race is a bad idea and can lead to injury. (Firsthand experience with this one) And the drop in endorphins, along with the empty feeling of completion, can lead to the post race blues.

But I can’t lie on the couch too long! Tor Des Geants is coming right up in September, and I’ve got something cooking in late July that I’ve got to get fit for. So there’s a bit of a fire under my bum to keep it moving.

So I’ve been slowly building my base back… but feeling the fits and starts of an older body without the young tissue pliability of 10 years ago. I notice the need to stretch and do yoga, to rest, take warm showers or baths, and to eat right. When those fall to wayside during this strange in between time, my energy sucks and my legs feel like lead.

What we put into our bodies in terms of both nutrition and movement can be game changers, and I think we can forget that on our way to our goals and ambitions. What I want to do is run fast and eat only peanut m&ms and salad. But to support that dream, I’ve got to eat Buddha bowls, commit to strength work and get adequate sleep in my non running hours.

In between times are strange, but they are also a chance for growth and reflection. My coach told me today to have fun with my runs right now and really dial in the mental game by finding my joy in the movement. I’ll take it!

Love, beauty, gut issues and a touch of hypothermia.

Well, that was a lot of fun. I was craving a nice long run. It’s been since October since I’ve ran a 100 miler (Moab 240) and I was ready.

A bit of history first: my stepdad, Bill, who was really more of a father to me than biology would say, had a share of a cabin on the Fall River, not far from Burney and my family and I would spend summers up there growing up. He passed away from cancer in 2017, and his death was difficult for me. He was too young and our relationship had only gotten stronger in my adulthood.

I hiked the PCT in 2017 partly to process the death and all that has happened in the years of him fighting cancer. The trek of course was spiritually grounding as well as expanding. I had hiked 1,400 miles of it in 2005, and already felt a special connection with the trail.

So besides memories of my family and dad in Burney, the PCT travels through the area- I’ve hiked through during thru-hike/ LASHes three times! So I know the trails a bit!

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Lot’s of things that made signing up a no brainer…. But it was also the first year of the race, small and local and everything a small mountain 100 should be. Friendly and humble RD and volunteers, 8-16 ish miles between aid stations, and big mountain climbs. Sign me up!!

The first 65 miles went great. Good flow, feeling fine, trying to run conservative to save some juice for the second half. My family came to meet me at mile 25, which of course was a real treat!

Sadly, my stomach turned while descending from Burney Mountain, and I just couldn’t quite get things right after that.

Still, I kept moving, albeit much slower than my goal pace to get a 24 hour finish. The sun went down and I was rewarded by a stunning sunset, and I reminded myself- early on in fact- that I really wanted to fully enjoy and immerse myself in the course, rather than white knuckle my way through.

Between 1-5 am tend to be the toughest time mentally during a 100, and this was certainly true for me. To top it off, around 3:30 am at mile 86, I fell in a rushing deep creek… if I had been moving faster and if the temperatures weren’t at their lowest (maybe 39-40 degrees), I could have shrugged this off…. But I’m susceptible to hypothermia after getting it a few times in the past, so sure enough after booking it 2 miles to the aid station I began shaking like a leaf, with my jaw chattering so bad it’s lucky I didn’t break any teeth! Fortunately, my amazing crew mamma Jan was there with her car and some dry clothes to change into. It took me an extra 1.5 hours or so to warm up, but I recovered and got back out there to finish out the course. Phew!

Well, that’s a wrap I suppose. I am recovering this week, enjoying being lazy, eating a ton and sleeping in. Next week training will begin again as I ready my body for Tor Des Geants (and another little adventure I have up my sleeves…)

I tend to be one to go after hard things and think, “maybe I can have it all.” When we “grow up,” have jobs, hubbies, babies, houses, so many people say, “there goes your freedom,” or, “you better give that up and settle down.” When I was pregnant with my daughter, Poppy, I was told that I better do my adventures now, because I was going to have to give them up.

To those people, I thankfully called bullshit. I am stubborn as an ass, have been since I was a small child, and would absolutely not accept that having a baby would mean giving up running long distances or backpacking long trails. Things would change, I knew that. Heck, pregnancy and postpartum was a lot of sacrifice: I was too sick or fatigued to get out and do much of anything.

But I recovered and put on my running shoes and started over. I took my mini me with me on backpacking and camping trips. I started small and built up, as we always do with training and life.

And life is different now, that is undeniable. I used to workout or go on adventures for the majority of my free time. Now, I play on the floor, give baths, perform lengthy bedtime routines, do lots of laundry and try to get strength building in by carrying my daughter up and down the stairs or lifting her off for airplane.

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So, I’m training for a 200+ mile race in September, and short fast packing trips are my favorite forms of training. So I fit it in- I’ll work long shifts to get time off- leave for 24 to 48 hours and try to get some mileage in carrying all my gear and food. This is what I call a quickie.

Last week I had a couple of days while mini was in daycare to explore the PCT south of Sierra City. 25 miles out and 25 back, and really pretty blissful.

The best part of the trip was camping at Jackson Reservoir under the full moon. Words cannot describe the beauty and simplicity of camping and hiking/ running alone in a place of such magic.

And I was alone. The campground was technically still closed and my 4 am start time meant I could explore the lake properly before heading back on the PCT.

Feeling blissed out after that one- then rested up big time for Burney Mountain 100 on Friday.

It has been two years since I last posted. Motherhood and newbie Nurse Practitioner-hood have been overwhelming, and left little mental space to pursue writing. However, I have been getting out on trails: running, hiking, fast packing, backpacking. Sometimes solo, and often accompanied by my mini-me.

Since my daughter Poppy was born in summer, 2021, I’ve managed a number of 50Ks, four 100 milers, one epic DNF at the 230 mile Tor Des Geants, and a smattering of short fast packing adventures. Motherhood has not stopped my drive for trail time, despite the changes in both body and mind that come with postpartum life, then parenting a toddler life.

But big races and pushes aside, most importantly these past couple of years, I have continued to treasure outdoor time and grounding myself to the earth. Now, I have the pleasure of sharing this special bond with nature with my daughter. We have already camped, hiked and backpacked numerous times- maybe not the distances I’m used to, but enough to enjoy the fresh mountain air and simplicity of life on the trail.

Now that I’ve given a broad stroke of the past two years, let’s dive into what’s coming right up! MOAB 240 baby! I’m super stoked to be toeing the line for this epic race in the desert of Utah in just 16 days. Am I ready? I have no idea. But I’ve been getting out the door for training, and stacked up a good 200 miles over 6 days in the Washington Cascades recently, which was good practice.

A lot more to say about the cascades and will save more words and photos for another post. For now, I feel I have “caught up” and can’t wait to share more stories and photos from my “flights”. Happy trails, friends!

2021 began with a huge loss. A very dear friend had been missing since Christmas, so the East Bay running community went on a search for him, and by mid-month we all learned he had passed in the waters of the bay.

There is so much more to say, and I will someday. For now, I’ll say this, Lucas had a huge heart and loved adventure. If he had spare time, he would grab hold of the opportunity and be on a trail or mountain somewhere, without skipping a beat. I honor his spirit, and hope to embrace life in a similar fashion.

On the other end of loss, there was this new life growing inside me… making me very sick, and stopping most of my efforts for a good run. However, I did get outside and moving throughout the month. Above, my Aunt and I are basking in sun in South Lake Tahoe where she lives during a nice cross country ski weekend.

Skiing ended up feeling great- the smooth motions were much more bearable for my nauseated state than running, and I delighted in the snowy Sierra landscape.

The trip was also a welcome bonding time for my partner and I after the engagement, and we relished in our time together just the two of us, with the ease of travel and connection.

Mid-month, I went on a short solo backpacking trip up to Berryessa Peak not too far from where we were living in Davis. I hadn’t backpacked since October, and it the January blues pushed me out the door.

Aside from first trimester woos, the trip was lovely and magical. It began in true Lucas Horan memorial style with breaking park rules and jumping fences.

Even though it was a brief overnight of just 13 miles round trip (with 4,000 feet of elevation gain in 7 miles though!), it was healing to my soul to be alone in the wilderness. My night was spent on a ridge line overlooking scenic Lake Berryessa, and I enjoyed snuggling up in my sleeping bag in chilly January temperatures.

I awoke to clear skies and a desire to explore.

The hike to the top of Berryessa Peak was no small feat, but did offer sweeping views of the lake and mountains around Napa county. The trail was narrow, the climbs were brutal, but the rewards of feeling my body move through the wilderness were 100% worth it.

Days later was a memorial run and gathering on the top of Volmer Peak for our dear departed Lucas. Again, words cannot express the deep loss, and it feels odd to write about this run as part of my ‘flights’ since it was so difficult to say goodbye this way.

The month was capped off with a quick trip to the Sonoma coast for rest and rejuvenation after a busy month of work and school all while balancing the early pregnancy fatigue.

Nothing compares to the California coast for healing and peace.

To end January’s recap, we had our 12 week ultrasound mid month, and wow! Little bit looked like a human!!

There was a heartbeat that wasn’t my own beating away inside me while I jogged down the trail (feeling barfy).

Amidst finals and nursing jobs with the health corps last December, I managed a couple fun weekend long runs, and a long weekend getaway to Yosemite Valley to pop the big question to my partner.

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Of course, the highlight of the month was the engagement in Yosemite. Due to the pandemic, Yosemite was practically empty. No camping or lodging was open in the park, and the wintery temperatures kept the park nice and quiet.

Day 1 in Yosemite was spent hiking up the John Muir and mist trails to the top of Nevada Falls. The day was sunny and crisp- perfect for a brisk and strenuous December hike! The trail conditions were icy so we wore our yak tracks- making other unprepared hikers slipping and sliding on the trail jealous of the ease with which we flew up the steep trek.

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Once at the top of Nevada Falls, we enjoyed a blissful little lunch of leftover gourmet pizza from the Cheeseboard Collective in Berkeley and sat in awe of the views around us.

Back at the hotel in El Portal, we fed our hungry bodies with the only food available since covid shut down most amenities – a veggie pizza sans cheese and some veggie ramen to satisfy an early pregnancy craving.

Next day, I awoke nervous about the proposal. The plan was a 11-15 mile run around the valley floor. I planned to drop some sort of hint on wanting to take photos and explore the base of El Capitan once there (around mile 8 for the run), and I’d pop the question there. I hid the ring in a simple box in my race pack, and we set off at a reasonable pace given my nausea and fatigue.

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The Valley was simply a wintry wonderland- magical, empty, and serene. Once at the base of El Cap, I casually suggested a little break be the rock face, and as my partner gazed at the sheer wall, I took the ring out of my bag, got on my knee and asked if he would be my forever person. (He said, “yes!”)

Our very good friend, KK and I planned on her coming out and being our photographer for after the proposal-all of this unbeknownst of my partner. What an amazing human!! So after hiking back to our car near the village store, we met up with her just in time for sunset at Tunnel View for some photos of the epic Yosemite alpine glow.

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The trip ended with games and hot tea by the fire at a B & B in Groveland, laughter and plans for our forever future. The day couldn’t have been better (well, besides the nausea and fatigue that is!!)

I didn’t know it, but I had a little human inside me!

Last November, my partner and I decided to spend Thanksgiving with some good friends from Idaho, and all visit the Grand Tetons for a small pandemic holiday gathering.

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None of us had been to the Tetons before, and we were excited to explore. Being late November, and therefore frigid cold and snow covered, on the agenda was some easy snowshoeing, cooking, eating, cozying up and wildlife viewing.

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Day 1, we took a nice easy loop on the Bradley Lake Trail with our snowshoes, and ooed and awed at the epic scenery around us.

After working up a bit of an appetite, we headed to our sweet little rental in downtown and cooked up a feast of vegan thanksgiving dishes. On the menu was a vegan loaf, mashed potatoes, mushroom gravy, green salad and Czech red cabbage, plus a scrumptious pumpkin pie with coconut whipped cream to seal the deal. Stuffed, we chatted away the evening and all headed to bed early to sleep off the excess calories.

The following day, we headed out for a short hike in the morning, then our companions took off for home, and my partner and I tooled around the mountains on a mission to find wildlife, scenery and good lighting.

Did I mention it was frigid cold? Well, it was… especially for this California gal gestating a tiny human without knowing it, but staying out until well past dusk was worth it for the epic lighting.

Our final day, I ventured out for a run along the road by the Elk preserve, froze my butt off, and ran into bighorn sheep with frost covering their warm wool coats.

It has been nearly a year since my last blog post. Since late November last year, I gestated a little human, got engaged, gave birth, and now have a family of three.

Pregnancy and the postpartum period were a major adjustment for me and my passion for running and long distances. I was able to hike and run up to 10 or 15 miles until mid-way through my second trimester, but nothing could quite satisfy my distance addiction.

Still, I managed to get out there regularly, and relished in the great outdoors throughout my pregnancy. In fact, I found myself enjoying sports that I had forgotten about in my tunnel vision of running and fast packing. Over the length of my pregnancy I hiked, snowshoed, cross country skied, rock climbed, jogged, biked, swam, and took a weekly prenatal yoga class.

Oh, and did I mention backpacking- yes, I did also manage to backpack into my second trimester as well. Mostly taking trips to nearby Lake Berryessa, but also venturing into Henry Coe State Park in the East Bay and the Santa Cruz mountains for some stealth backpacking at a sweet little serene lake.

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This all kept me sane and grounded through not only the pregnancy, but also for my final year of graduate school to become a Nurse Practitioner. Looking back on the past 11 months or so since that last post, I am in awe of the beauty I surrounded myself in. This is a good reminder that in times of stress or life change, our environment can have a huge impact on our state of mind. Not only that, our surroundings- especially in nature- can remind us to stay in the present, be grateful for what we have, and experience beauty that transcends our daily cares and worries.

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Now that I am a new mom and dedicated partner, I am committed to surrounding the three of us in nature’s arms. Not only for my own mental and physical health, but for my families health and wellness as well. We are just dipping our toes into the world of hiking and camping with baby, but already already I feel the rippling effects of grounding in nature in all our spirits.

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Transition is difficult. We all know it, we all go through it, but it doesn’t make it feel any less painful. As the days shorten, the weather cools, and animals burrow in their nests, I am feeling both a pull to comfort by the fire, and the itch to get out while I still can, along with the sorrow that comes with loosing sunshine.

When it is cold like this, I can’t wait to get outside and feel the crispness of the air. Then when I am out, I can’t wait to get back inside to warm up by the cozy fire.

But November has so far offered a few nice trail outings. To celebrate a change in leadership, my partner and I visited Bodega Bay and did a lovely 6 mile from the ocean to the redwood forest and back again.

We tooled around Jenner in our trusty van, Betsy, watched a stellar sunset, and gave thanks for a new day filled with more hope for this country than we have felt for quite a while.

Nature is so healing when we are distressed, and such a place of celebration as well, a source of uplifting and spiritual or mental renewal. It had felt like too long since I had visited the ocean, and being there after all the stress and uncertainty of the election felt like serendipity.

The following weekend, I finally got out for a good 20 mile trail loop on the Robbie trail and the Western States Trail. The American River basin in fall is spectacular, with perfect cool temperatures, vibrant colors, and tough trails to help get a good sweat going.

I took the run slow, enjoyed the scenery and the quiet time in nature, and returned home clear headed and with a peace of mind I hadn’t felt in quite a while. Being a nurse during COVID, along with graduate school and trying to balance work and family life, being bombarded by depressing news, all while being extremely careful about my actions to prevent the spread of the virus, all of this has been exhausting: emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am grateful though, for mother nature’s resiliency, for her forgiveness and welcoming embrace when I hit the trails and immerse myself in her beauty.